Struggling With Sleeplessness
I’ve realized that if I can’t rest for consecutive nights, then I’ll be sick. I sometimes think, “I haven’t been sick for a while,” which is soon met by bouts of sleeplessness. I swore off over-the-counter sleep aids years back after feeling addicted, exchanging them for more exercise and sunlight. Now it’s coffee’s turn. The withdrawal headaches are telling me it was past time.
In Second Corinthians, Paul mentions “sleeplessness” (ἀγρυπνία agrupnía) as part of his struggle in doing the Lord’s work. Paul’s other trials included “stripes” from being beaten, frequent “imprisonments,” “tumults” or unstable scenarios where he didn’t know where he would be next, “labors” or difficult work, and “fastings” because he did not desire to eat (6:5). There are a few observations to make here. There’s no doubt that these difficulties alone would be a cause for sleeplessness. Yet we could also wrongly conclude that with a list like that, sleeplessness was the least of his worries.
Paul tells us the reason for his restless nights was brought on by his “daily…deep concern” for all the churches” (11:28). Paul was needfully worrisome. The Lord’s church mattered to him. As we read on, Paul says that he will boast about this infirmity because his weakness was “for Christ’s sake” (12:10). The difficulties Paul faced were many, but the Lord always needs servants who are emotionally invested in His kingdom. The role of the watchman is to watch (Ezek. 3:17; 33:2, 6, 7), but sometimes the night light won’t unplug.
I have often wondered what good can come from a bad night’s rest. I have been so tired in the day that I can’t wait to go to bed, only to lie awake wondering out loud, “why?” Why do I have insomnia? Of all the nights. I’ve woken up in the wee hours and known immediately there was no way back to slumberland. I remember that a few hours ago I prayed for a good night’s rest. Jesus needed Peter, James, and John to be awake at a crucial moment and found them asleep (Matt. 26:44). Maybe the reason we’re up is because we’ll finally have the thought we were looking for during the day, or even the anger that motivates us to abandon sleep and finish an assignment. Perhaps the inconvenient time for us is the crucial moment God knew we needed.
If we’ve ever had sleepless nights because of concern for the church, inspiration tells us we’re not alone. Paul, an inspired apostle had sleeplessness during immense suffering. This was not to test his limits without blessing. Yes, there are blessings even in insomnia. If we look on the bright side, we’re in good company.
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